ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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