every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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