who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
