Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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