I just made out with a guy for $7.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
