3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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