Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
