This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
