I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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