They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
