I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
