Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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