The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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