I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
