I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
