You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
