No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
