One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
