the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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