Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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