im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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