Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
