i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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