I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
