yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
