Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
