no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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