dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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