I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
