So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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