can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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