You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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