2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
