and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
