gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want to walk on stilts...naked
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
