well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want nice things and good sex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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