my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
