I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
