She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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