I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
