look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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