nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
