they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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