My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
