Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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