I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
