I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
