It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
