U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
