worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
