they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
