i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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