The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bring me that man meat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
