I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
