Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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